Baby Massage Courses for 2009: new courses

For full details with dates and directions go to www.babywisemassage.co.uk.

Starters
These are 5/6 week courses of weekly classes, called 'babywise' because they aim to empower parents as well as provide a little oasis of fun babytime. In the first half of the class parents learn an easy and enjoyable full body massage. The second half of the session is spent exploring parenting issues over tea, coffee and cake or biscuits (all freshly baked!).

Starter course runs Tuesdays weekly 11am-12.30pm at Coombe Hill Farm, Keinton Mandeville, Somerton, Somerset TA11 6DG. (http://maps.google.co.uk for directions).

Continuers
This course is for babies who've done some massage before and/or for babies over 5 months who need a little more action! Continuation course starts Tuesdays weekly (same dates) from 1.15-2.45pm. This course runs similarly to starter course but there is less emphasis on teaching massage and more rhyming and action songs appropriate for slightly older babies. We will also look at signing with babies, managing your time with a baby in tow, weaning, 'when to call the doctor' and baby yoga.

Numbers are limited to 8 per class.

Courses cost £45 for the 6 weeks or £40 for 5 weeks. Classes cannot be paid for on a class by class basis sorry...though concessions are available.

If you can't make these dates and really want to get started with massage you can have a private lesson either on your own or with friends either at your home or mine.

To register for a course or arrange a lesson please call 07976 336646 or 01458 224 599. You will be sent information and asked for a £20 deposit to book a place.

Sleep....they don't tell you about that at antenatal do they?!!!

During the course of my teaching I've found the biggest concern parents have is over sleep. Mainly because they're not getting enough! There is more to say on this than can be covered in a blog but from talking to many parents over the years and from my own experience of four babies I think they're are probably some things that are worth stating here.

Firstly, there is no rule book. I know they're are many experts out there that advocate this method or that and very often these methods work. But equally, there are many parents who don't follow the rules and do things their way and are very happy with it. So I'd encourage you to let go of the idea that there is a 'right way' to get your baby to sleep and be brave enough to find out what suits you and your family best.

Having said that there are a few guidelines that are worth trying out and to which most babies conform. If you, ideally, want a baby that goes to sleep by itself and sleeps through the night then here are a few of those guidelines. But remember if you're happy to wake and feed at night after 3 months or find your baby doesn't sleep during day but that suits you...good, stick to that and ignore what's coming.

• encourage your baby to be put down to sleep awake even if its just once in 24 hours.
• develop a simple pre-sleep routine. For example, putting them in a sleep bag, singing a song (it helps if its the same one and babies generally love songs). Hot tip choose one you like as you may be singing it for some time. Always use this routine to signal to your baby that it is sleep time
• Start the going to sleep process before they're really tired and grizzly. Look out for the signs, turning the head away from toys you offer, tugging at ears, rubbing eyes, yawning, staring into the distance and many babies have particular 'I've had enough' sound, it may be a screech or a grunt. As soon as you see a sign get them heading for bed or wherever they sleep.
  
• The commonest cause of problems settling babies to sleep is that they have got overtired.
• I can't swear to it but my guess is that there are very very few babies who won't benefit from daytime sleep even if so far they've resisted. Use the tips above during the day.

If you start these good sleep habits early, with a bit of luck, you'll have a baby that sleeps through the night spontaneously.

I know there's a lot more to know but that's all for now folks! Good luck.

Bringing up baby...methods and madness

Some of you will have watched the extraordinary series on Channel 4 last autumn called 'Bringing up baby' in which 3 different methods of baby management were 'tested' by experts on 6 families with new babies. Some of it was pretty extreme and caused a stir in the media at the time. But even if you didn't see it read on because the series covered many of the issues that new parents are concerned about...

The first 'expert' advocated a strict routine and I mean strict. Only four hourly feeds and no touching the baby in between. It was heartbreaking to watch the crying Mum being brainwashed into thinking that all that separation was 'the best thing for the baby.' This lady made Gina Ford*, the 'queen of routine' sound like a big softie.

At the other extreme was the 'continuum concept' lady who coaches parents in the ways of tribal societies, breastfeeding on demand, bedsharing and never putting baby down, so that the baby is permanently in physical contact with the mother (or father) until it is ready to crawl.

In between the two was a third mentor who advocated finding a balance between mother and baby's needs. She didn't get so much coverage (TV favours extremism) but seemed curiously old fashioned in that she didn't think it was right to breastfeed in public...(so if you want to breastfeed you have to chain yourself inside...?). As a babymentor myself I thought if might be useful to take a dispassionate look at these methods and the issues they raise.

Bonding
The routine expert advocated strict four hourly feeds and sleep routine which she argued was disrupted by picking babies up 'off schedule'. Although her routine 'worked' and babies did sleep well and parents were happy with the method in the end, personally I found the idea of limiting contact with a newborn very hard to stomach. The vast majority of baby and child experts, drawing an established body of research, believe that it is important for a baby and a parent to bond. They do this by physical contact (cuddling and feeding) and eye contact. Babies who do not have the opportunity to bond make for less secure children and adults. Luckily most of us instinctively want to hold and look at our babies, so we don't need persuading on this point. I cannot see either a logical or instinctual justification for rationing or limiting the amount of contact between a baby and its parent. (For an introduction to the theory and research of bonding and why it's important try www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMTIlXavtqU).

Routines
I know many people think routines are evil but this is to throw the baby out with the bath water. Babies do thrive on a predictable universe (so do many of us). I've had clients who have found a routine has got them out of the baby blues. By finding a structure to their day they have been able to plan some 'me' time and find their equilibrium again. I do believe this possible to achieve without leaving a baby to cry for hours and restricting contact, I call it the 'middle way.

Briefly, with newborns, a rough rule of thumb is that they will need to feed roughly every three hours and most cannot stay awake for much more than an hour. This means sometime soon after the baby has had feed and a change they'll be ready for another kip.The key to success is reading the baby's sleep cues and settling them for sleep before they have got overtired and find it hard to settle. Ideally you want to avoid feeding when baby is really tired because then they don't take a full feed or get a really good sleep (because they wake up hungry). This is where Gina Ford's routines are useful as a guide. I say guide, because it is easy, and I've seen it many times, to get hung up on the routine. Not all babies are the same and some days are just a muddle. That's the way it is and if you can relax with that you won't stressed.

As the weeks and months go by and you learn your baby's cues (they also get clearer) a rhythm or a pattern emerges. Once you've got the hang of your baby's rhythm you are then able to manipulate it when you need to, for example so that feed or sleep times don't coincide with when you have to fetch other children from school. There's a lot more to say on how to do this but in summary, I prefer to think of finding a rhythm rather than a routine because a rhythm allows flexibility (and creativity) where a routine does not.

The continuum method
There is a powerful logic in the argument that for most of human evolution babies have been nurtured in the tribal way. I hope I have established that close loving contact is essential for babies. Many happy mothers have nurtured their children using the continuum concept successfully.

I have two concerns with this method . The first is that in tribal societies childcare is shared between many or several people. This is sadly not the case in our society. It is the mother, and the mother alone, in general who has to sustain this level of contact with baby advocated by the continuum theorists. If mother can cope and is well supported then all is hunky dory but this method is highly demanding on the mother's energy. It also needs a very supportive partner (if the mother is in a relationship) and is particularly demanding if there are other children to care for. With any 'method', there is a danger of sense of 'failure' if that particular method is not achievable.

The second is that underlying this theory appears to be an assumption that unless the baby is in constant physical contact it will feel insecure. Therefore it suggests, infants are inherently insecure. If this is your underlying belief as a parent, could you end up undermining your baby's trust in the world? In other words if you are following this method out of fear that your baby won't be secure without constant physical contact then you could be defeating the object. If, of course, you feel fantastically confident that baby is getting exactly what it needs and you are enjoying the method, then no problem.

With all these methods, remember they are just somebody's point of view. Ultimately no-one has absolute knowledge of what exactly babies need. Food, sleep, nappy changes and love are all we can be certain of. They need love and contact, we know that instinctively and rationally but how much is enough? Do they need 24 hour continuous physical contact to feel secure? Whatever the claims of the continuum experts no-one actually knows. And thank God in a way. In that gap, that uncertainty, is permission to try things out, a creative challenge if you like, to find the way that fosters for you, a happy baby and confident Mum.

The third way
Although the third 'expert' seemed a little old fashioned and was not so well covered in the programme, her 'method' did in principle seem pretty sound; that is trusting your instincts and finding a balance between mother's and babies needs.

There's a lot to be said for trusting your instincts but my experience is that instinct is something parents develop rather than inherit with the birth of a baby. New parents can feel left at sea when told 'trust your instincts'. Many of us need support and advice from others experienced with babies until we get the hang of them ourselves and develop our own instincts, which we do with time and confidence.

On finding a balance between mothers and babies needs. Well, its common sense isn't it that they are bound up with each other? Its a kind of unhelpful, muddly thinking to see these as separate.

Let me explain by example. Let's take a really loving Mum, every time baby cries day or night she feeds him thinking this is what he needs. After a while she gets so exhausted (and a recent study showed that Mums of new babies survive on an average of 3 1/2 hours of sleep a night) that she becomes depressed and tearful. We know from studies that depressed Mums are less responsive to their babies. So who is benefiting here? Does the Mum need to sleep or does the baby need her to sleep? Can we really separate the two needs? Looked at this way the answer is no. It is common sense that both must be thriving for either to be well.

In order to look after babies Mums need to look after themselves. So if that means putting the baby in a pram for a sleep so Mum can have a relaxing bath by herself (the continuum compromise) or feeding the baby off schedule because Mum's breasts are engorged and she doesn't want to get mastitis (the method compromise); is that failure or common sense? My feeling is that bringing up a baby is the most wonderful and demanding challenge and Mums need to be supported to find the way that suits them and their growing family best. What do you think?

*Gina Ford is author of 'The contented baby' and advocates a series of age specific routines and how to follow them

Coming soon..preparing for baby

You've been to the antenatal classes, you've read the books and looked at the websites on pregnancy and childbirth but are you ready for parenthood? I am currently preparing a workshop day for expectant parents on 'what to expect after you've delivered'. Topics to be covered will include 'the first few days', feeding, Mum's body and how to look after it, the phases of babyhood, crying, routines and other baby management methods, becoming parents and staying a couple, father's role and equipment, what you really need. In fact, it may need a weekend! A follow up day for the group will be arranged for 6-8 weeks after birth.

If you have strong sense of what would be really useful to include please let me know on this page.

Dads do babies

This is a fun session for Dads and an opportunity to be introduced to baby massage and compare notes with other new fathers. Sessions last 1, 1/2 hours, split between learning massage and exploring the role of fathers in bringing up babies. Dad sessions can be arranged for a group of up to 6 fathers and babies on Saturdays and can be held at my home or your home or at the Ninesprings clinic in Yeovil. Tea, coffee and cakes provided.

To arrange a session please call Henrietta on 07976 336646 or email hl@babymentoring.com

Looking after you when you've just had baby..some tips...

Nearly all of the information you hear or take in about the period after birth will about baby, so let's think about you for a moment. You are your baby's source, where it will go for all its nourishment and comfort in it early days. So to look after baby you need to look after you. Here are a few tips on how to do so properly.

Whether you've had a vaginal birth or a caesarian, you will do well not expect to be able to do anything but exist and look after baby in the first few weeks after baby is born. It may be hard to imagine now but there will be days when getting dressed will be an achievement! Be prepared to drop your standards..housework, washing, phone calls etc will all have to wait, everyone understands what it's like. If you're prepared to absorb yourself in baby you'll have a much more enjoyable time than if you have unrealistic expectations of yourself. Everybody's experience varies and some people, yes, have a much easier time than others. But it's realistic to say that in general its a time of great joy and varying degrees of pain so here's some tips for avoiding the aches and pains and tiredness post childbirth.

• Giving birth is probably the most exhausting thing you'll ever experience, you will need all the peace and quiet you can get. Work out how to turn the ringer on the phone off, so that when baby is asleep or with someone else during the day you can get some rest. It's so exciting having a baby that it's often hard to sleep during the day, but practice the art of resting even if you're not sleeping; it will stand you in good stead in the months to come.
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• If you've had a vaginal delivery its fair to say that your soft furnishings (i.e your vagina or fanny) will be a bit, to very sore after delivery. You may even have a tear and/or had stitches. Here's a few things you can do to look after soft furnishings post delivery....
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• When you wee the acid in the urine will sting so keep a jug of water by the toilet and pour the water between your legs as you wee to dilute the urine. Sounds strange but believe me it's a relief!
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• A rubber donut or even a blow up child's ring to sit on takes the pressure off your sore bits and prevents rubbing as you move.
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• There are herbal baths you can soak your bottom in that really help and can be purchased from the active birth centre.
  
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• Keep some fragrance free wipes by the toilet as they will feel softer than toilet roll on a very sensitive fanny.
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• On the subject of vaginas...you'll probably know that after a vaginal delivery you will bleed for some time (like weeks even). Be stocked with ST's. The midwives will ask you questions about this and make sure everything's normal.
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• Get hydrated and stay hydrated. Keep jugs of water by your bed and near you , (moving around won't be so easy at first, either because you'll be sore or because you'll be feeding baby, so water needs to be on hand). You may well be dehydrated after labour so tank up. You will eventually need to do a poo and its a lot easier if your emissions are soft!
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• Your anus being close to to the vagina, and having also gone through a big experience, may well be sore and you have even have piles. Piles feel like little grapes of flesh that are usually on the inside but because of the pressure of the baby's body as it was on it way out, these little grapes have popped out. Don't worry these are quite normal and will get better especially if you're good about doing your pelvic floor exercises. Spots of blood afterwards a poo are also normal. If you are sore 'down there' you may feel a little anxious about your first post delivery poo. When the time comes, try to relax into it. Tell yourself what comes in must come out...let go and breathe...its not as bad as you fear. And providing you stay hydrated it all gets back to normal pretty quickly.
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• Have some really comfy soft clothes around that you feel nice wearing, so you've got something comforting for your weary body to put on after the birth. If you plan to breastfeed make sure access to boobs is easy too.
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• Boobs also, can suffer from breastfeeding. Sore breasts are very common at first. There are various remedies but cold savoy cabbage leaves (keep it in the fridge) tucked inside your feeding bra over the nipple do help.
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• If you're the hyperactive type then the following sound advice will be wasted on you..give yourself as long a holiday from normal life for as long as you need/or can. If you possibly can stay in your pyjamas or tracksuit or whatever you feel comfortable wearing for at least a few days after childbirth Once you put normal clothes on you will have normal expectations of yourself, i.e to rush around getting things done and you risk exhausting yourself and ending up frustrated and tearful.
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• To this end, if you can get ahead on admin', bills, forms, letters etc before the baby's born, do so you can forget about all until you feel ready.
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• Learn the art of online shopping, so that you and your partner (if you have one) can stay snuggled up at home with your new baby.
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• If this is not your first birth, you may not know that painful contractions can continue after delivery. Be prepared with painkillers on hand. Check with your midwife how much and how often to take them so you know what the maximum is should they be particularly painful.
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• Finally, remember you have just performed a miracle. Your body has grown and delivered a new human being. Give that miracle and that body some respect and look after yourself...

For more information on what its like to have your first baby have a look at www.channel4.com/health/microsites/F/family/baby/first.html.

For organisations and websites to support parents there's a good list on this web page www.channel4.com/health/microsites/F/family/baby/first_more.html

For more information on breastfeeding try www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/breastfeeding/problemsandsolutions/breastpain/

Good luck and if you have any other top tips to share please let me know.